How to Tell Family You Can No Longer Be the Caregiver for an Elderly Parent
Being the primary caregiver for an elderly parent is a full-time job.
It can feel like every spare moment you have in your already busy schedule gets dedicated to helping your parent out of bed, taking him or her to doctor appointments, picking up prescriptions, and doing an endless number of other tasks. That sort of responsibility can negatively impact your life, and sometimes it becomes too much.
At that point, it’s time to tell your family that you can no longer care for an elderly parent. But how do you go about it? Well, let’s cover a few tips to ensure the conversation goes as smoothly as possible and that you express everything that needs to be said.
1. Validate Your Decision
Deciding that you can no longer care for a parent will stir up a gamut of emotions. You may experience guilt, shame, and embarrassment just because you’re choosing yourself over others. Before the conversation with your family takes place, you need to process your emotions, reflect on what led you to this point, and validate your decision.
The truth is you may never entirely shake some of these difficult feelings. Putting yourself first isn’t as easy as it sounds, but when your life is being negatively impacted, it’s necessary.
2. Prepare Talking Points
Go into the conversation knowing what you want to say and how you want to say it. Emotions will be running high, making it easy to deviate from your original message. So, write down your main talking points and practice delivering them in a cool, calm, collected manner.
It’s okay if the conversation goes in many different directions–there’s likely a lot that’s been bottled up. But no matter what, it’s crucial that you lay out everything that needs to be addressed so that nothing is left on the table.
3. Provide Solutions
When you’ve decided you can’t be the caregiver for your mother or father, you need to come up with potential solutions. During the discussion, you can present a range of options, from home care services to board and care homes to receiving help from family members.
With that being said, the final decision should be made as a group. If you go into the conversation making demands and accusations, you’re going to meet resistance. Find the balance between standing your ground and being open to ideas.
4. Expect Strong Reactions
Family members will likely not be thrilled to hear that you’re stepping down from your role. It’s important to mentally prepare for strong, negative reactions that could make you second-guess your decision. Even if people point the finger at you, staying composed, keeping a level head, and showing understanding will help you get your point across and lead to a workable solution.
Conversations like these aren’t fun, but that’s okay. Just remember that you’ve mulled over your decision and that you’re looking out for your own well-being.
Moving Forward
After you’ve had the first conversation with your family, plan the next meeting. Transitioning from being the sole caregiver is a multistep process, so be patient, but hold everyone involved accountable. As a solution is being agreed upon, reach out to senior living advisors at Better Placement, betterplacementoc.com, to learn more about professional elderly care near you.